Thursday, July 2, 2009

Feeling Like A Jerk

I feel like such a jerk…and I’m thoroughly convinced my family does too now. There is a higher risk of miscarriage with a CVS than an amnio…so they are adamant that you get the proper rest for at least 1-2 weeks after the procedure. Because my family doesn’t know just what we have been up to…they have no idea why I’m shying away from hard[er] labor or extra tasks. I totally look like a jerk…I know it.

The day after the procedure, we went grocery shopping at Costco. All the groceries were unloaded and put on the patio. My mom came out and there was one item left to bring inside…a four-pack of ½ gallon cartons of OJ. So, it was pretty heavy. I pointed to the OJ to remind her it was there…but couldn’t bring it in for her. I felt like such an A**!

All week, I have felt like total crap, physically. I’ve just been seriously wrung out. This is one of the only week’s my sister will be in town and I KNOW she has needed more of my help. But, by the time I get back to the house after an activity…I’m zonked…and NEED to lie down and rest – a lot. I feel like such a jerk…AND I’m missing out of one of the most important moments of my only sister’s life. It totally sucks.

*Interesting side note: I have thrown up more in this one week after arriving in Hawaii…due to body stress and fatigue…than I have my entire pregnancy. Ironic…
My mom and her partner have asked me, point blank, to help them haul lumber and other debris out of their backyard (everyone is pitching in), up a tall flight of stairs. They want to make the backyard look nice for the wedding and need to do some cleaning up. I have had to evade a direct answer, knowing that there is no way my hubby will even allow me to try to do any physical labor at this point. I finally had to suggest that my strong hubby is willing to help, so I can keep the kids busy during that time, so they won’t be underfoot. I think I heard crickets chirping immediately following the suggestion. They must think I’m purposely trying to think of ways NOT to help…which makes me look like a TOTAL jerk!

I know this problem can be solved if I was just willing to tell them what was going on…but, for the reasons I have already stated…I’m adamant about waiting until we get back the test results AND my sister’s wedding is over. I don’t want to be the sister that “stole her thunder.” Although…I seriously doubt the announcement of our THIRD child will steal anyone’s thunder. Still…what if there is a chance?

Anyway…I’m just generally feeling like total and overall crap these days. I guess it goes with the territory. But, at LEAST I’m breathing clean, fresh air…there is always a brighter tomorrow when one has that benefit going for them.

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