Saturday, July 11, 2009

Emotional Update

Well...good news. My hormones seem to be doing, yet, another swing shift and are settling down into a more normal level. For who knows how long...but let's hope for the best. In regards to my emotional roller coaster about having a boy and telling other people...

A couple of things have happened to help stabilize my tumultuous feelings.

One, I spoke with a friend of mine recently who happens to be having a third as well. However, after two boys, she is having a girl. Now, this might not seem like the kind of person who could help me in this situation...and you'd be right - mostly. Many of the things we talked about seemed to make me feel even worse, in addition to her [unfortunately] being way off base on a few things. However, in SAYING this, what that mishap of a conversation left me with, was the ability to help me see all of my original perspectives on this subject. Out of the convoluted, misinterpretation(s) that SEEMED just to be another disastrous conversation in my current frame of mind and jumbled hormonal state, I was able to gain stronger resolve about my earlier feelings and convictions. I don't think my friend meant for that conversation to have made me feel the way it did...but honestly, she was fighting a losing battle at that time...unbeknownst to her, I think.

Two, I was out shopping with my boys and mom. We were looking for specific items, so we were hurrying through the aisles. We came across some back to school stuff and I saw the prettiest pink and purple school item...ahhh, it was soooo cute. It had hearts and sparklies...and everything I love on school stuff. I remember stopping and sighing...wishing I had an excuse to stop and look at more pretty stuff. Again, NOT something you'd think would help me back to the road of contentment on this particular matter. Surprisingly was what I needed.

I will ALWAYS want to stop and look at pretty pink and purple things along the aisles at stores. But, what dawned on me was, I STILL don't care for those other, more high maintenance projects that come along with most girls. I STILL just want to buy pink and purple stuff! That's all it has ever been for me. HA! To confirm this, a few days later, I was passing an end cap with a whole bunch of little bows and ribbons for girls' hair, in all different colors. My first gut thought was...thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of that. I truly did not want the hassle.

I've decided that along with my girlfriends who have girls, I can buy pink and purple stuff - for ME! There is NO reason why I can't buy myself a pretty pink and purple Tinkerbell blanket if I want to snuggle up to one! haha So, I'm back on a more proper track of enthusiasm about this baby.

It was a good decision on my part to tell everyone at once...once my family knew. Now it's done, and I don't have to worry about the reactions of every single individual person who wanted me to have a girl. That friend of mine insinuated that maybe it was all in my head...or at least that was my impression of that part of our discussion. She felt that maybe it was MY hang-up, and not everyone else's. I told her that was only half true. For reasons I've mentioned many times, I HAD thought about having a girl. So, ALL those people I know who have made mention how much they hoped I would have a little girl...I had to confront and "deal" with it every single time I told someone. Double UGH.

And, no, it wasn't all in my head. Friends SANG about me having a girl. Family friends kept telling me WHY I SHOULD have a little girl. My own family talked of their wishes of me having a little girl. My own father's reaction when we told him was, "I feel sorry for you, having all boys." Wow...and that's from my own pop. Yes, my decision to tell everyone at once was intuitive and so far, correct.

And, now...I'm back to not caring what ANYONE thinks. We are having a last, sweet angel hold and cuddle and cherish. I'm happy.

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