Thursday, October 15, 2009

no ayi

Well, it's finally happened. I'm feeling completely bereft without our ayi here to help out. I hadn't really realized just how much I was beginning to depend on her in this pregnancy. She had worked through the National Holiday and is now taking several days off because her son and daughter-in-law (the one we attended their wedding last February) have just had a baby girl. So, our ayi...being Grandmother...went to spend some time with them. I'm totally for it!

But, really stinks without her here! She's gone on Holiday before, but I had never felt her absence quite this way. I'm sure it's because I'm pregnant and since getting back from Hawaii, I have relinquished more and more tasks to her, due to feeling tired.

Yes, I'm tired. So very tired. I have definitely been starting to feel this pregnancy more and more very recently. So, I have been relying on our ayi to help drop off and pick up the kids at DIFFERENT schools across town. I have been asking her to make all the grocery opposed to making only one or two of them. I had been relying on her to tend to the medicinal needs of our dog, Blue, which includes bending over and scrubbing his paws twice a day. Not to mention ALL the household chores she does on a daily basis! Especially the laundry. I still don't like line drying my clothes...much less an entire household worth of clothes! The counters here are lower (made for shorter people), so I definitely have been in pain, bending over, doing the dishes every day.

But MOST of all, I have come to completely rely on her "special" meals for me. I only had to tell her once that I couldn't have any rice, potatoes, carrots or sugar. She immediately catered all her dishes for me accordingly. She makes me these chinese dishes with absolutely NO carbs or sugars! She does this twice a day, so all I ever have to think about is making my own carb/sugar free breakfast. Since she has left, I have had a serious education on just how much our American diet includes some kind of carb in each meal. Toast for breakfast...sandwich for lunch...pastas for dogs in a bun...burritos with a tortilla...ETC!! Aaaagghhhhh!!!! So, needless to say, my "good" efforts before she left have all gone down the drain AFTER she left. I can't seem to find stuff to eat that doesn't include some kind of carb...which as I have mentioned...SUPER spikes my numbers this pregnancy. I keep trying and trying and trying...and no matter how much I think I'm cutting back, my numbers are high. It's soooooo frustrating!!

All this wavering, binging, skipping, (whatever) meals in the effort to find a balance is seriously putting my body through the wringer. I'm so very tired, folks. So, so tired. So, now ayi is gone and my husband is working like a DOG at work, getting ready for some major events in October. Needless to say, he's been out of the picture...working nights, weekends, etc. Which he NEEDS to be! So, I'm left doing household chores, light laundry, dishes, AND taking care of the kids from before school to bedtime. Driving them both ways to/from school pretty much sucks almost all the energy I have right out of me. Normally, this doesn't pose as such a problem...normal full time mom stuff. It just does NOW because of how I'm feeling.

So, all my kids have left is a bitchy, snapping, boorish mother who just wants them to go to bed. Isn't that horrible? I hate it...but my energy is absolutely sapped.

Yeah, yeah, yeah..."Cry me a river!" Right?? My POINT is just that I hadn't really realized, until now, just how much "help" I was getting from our ayi. I do know that I have been choosing to rely on her a little more each week since getting back from Hawaii. Now, I know just how much! And appreciate it!!

And there IS light at the end of the tunnel! She is due back in a couple of days! Yah!! Thank goodness!!!!!!!

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